#107
Notes from The Player’s collection
A Chronology
Odd, but it seems it’s always easy to look back and see what one was doing that was meaningful - equally as hard to see what is really important that is happening at the present.
Probably because we look to our everyday activities for importance when it’s actually the forces underlying these activities that are of concern.
How often do we really know true what or why.
At any rate this is going to be an attempt to pinpoint certain phases and what their theme really was.
3. Littlest kid on the block. Defenseless against the other guys.
First relationship with a girl other than mother - Margaret Whitsler. Soft, warm, solid - protective.
At the same time aggressive sexually with little girls. Dreams of naked women and not being able to touch.
Institutions trying to control.
Vivid, wild imagination. Easy handling of educational materials - always at top of class.
Super high I.Q. Popular -
Still a loner. Going off ground for lunch at Mexican restaurant.
Protective parents - loving
Tough within in my own peer-group. Didn’t mind fighting - but nobody gave me any shit.
Know everybody in elementary school.
Had girlfriends. Got city awards.
Generally had fun.
Functional on mother and fathers value system.
What was fun was exploring - testing - and not getting stepped on. Strong minded.
8 years old failure in baseball - introverted - watched a lot of movies and got fat. Always extreme sexual inquisitiveness.
Move to La Jolla. Adapt to new environment Become top cat with Woody. Loners.
Dressing ahead of everyone else. Acceptance more important at this point.
Social Trips are more important than anything else at this point.
In Junior High - more conflict with Teachers and authority figures.
Fear and insecurity about relationship with in-crowd. Still knew a lot of people and was friendly. Not a tremendous amount of creativeness at this point.
Then tie-up with Ray and become two movers. Prior to this the Lockwood - Foley - Vaught - Ward crod just starts to influence.
Work out for about a year. Become conscious of personal health. Lockwood an inquisitive mover - not an in crowd but a lot of ideas floating around.
Physically intimidated for the first time since on Cliff Place. Utter failure at self-protection. Not in 9th grade - only 7th and 8th. This only the cae in Junior High. Not attacked once in high school. In High School some type of air had developed that was pretty much inconceivable that anyone would call me out - or else just nobody fought.
Reputation was the word in high school. Starting in the 10th grade I became the most visible mover in the school in my class
Time to move.
Still uptight in many ways but it wasn’t a question of making it but of wanting something to make.
Main influence - Ted Vaught. Main disappointment - not being in love.
I need to be in love or to have an audience of friends to play to. That might be stating it too coldly. Either in love or good friends. Also someone that is exciting to scheme on.